So, here is a rundown of today’s top stories that will surely affect next year’s sports picks. Man, it’s been an insane beginning to the offseason, and we’re only three days in.

-Turkoglu agrees to go to Portland: well, it was due to happen after the Magic picked up Vince Carter (how crappy are the Nets gonna be next year). Portland, on the other hand, will be a force, like, a “Roger Federer Wimbledon betting” kinda force.

-Ron Artest to the Lakers: Betting software says that Ron Ron and Kobe don’t make it to the season without at least one fight in practice.

-Trevor Ariza to Houston: why didn’t these two teams just trade? And how much money does Ariza really think he’ll get? And how bummy is Houston lookin’ right about now? No Yao? Ewwwwwwwwwww.

-Phil Jackson will be back: keeping Kobe and Ron Ron from killing each other every day should get him an award in itself.

-Stephon Marbury says he probably won’t go back to Boston: so he’ll end up somewhere else to ruin another team’s NBA odds.